Psalm 27:5
“For in the day of evil He hides
me in His sukkah; in the covering of His Tent He hides me; on a rock He raises
me up.”
Sukkot holds a special place in my heart. For me, it isn’t
just another feast on God’s calendar; it’s a living reminder that our loving
Abba desires to be our shelter. Unlike the instability of this world and the
brokenness many of us have known, His covering is faithful, safe, and true.
This testimony is my story, how Abba took a life shaped by pain and turned it
into one marked by His redemption, love, and restoration.
A Difficult Beginning
I grew up in a dysfunctional home, but I didn’t realize it
at the time because I assumed all families were like mine. It was the kind of
“Christian” home atheists complain about, one that carried the title but lived
in hypocrisy.
My father was abusive, unfaithful, unloving, and manipulative. To outsiders, he
was charismatic, but inside our home he ruled with fear.
Looking back, I believe he took joy in ruining moments that
should have been special. If something wasn’t centered on him, he would make
sure to redirect the attention his way. My mother came from her own abusive
background and couldn’t, or wouldn’t, see his behavior as abusive.
I remember times when my Father got my Mother so mad she
would drive off. When I saw these fights I would sneak into the back of my
mother’s car so that when she stormed off in anger, she’d leave and take me
with her. I always hoped she would never come back, but she always did. I used
to think she came back for us kids, though now I know fear kept her bound.
By the time my eldest sister graduated, my father had
started calling all but the firstborn “nobodies.” Years later, he told us he
had changed his will, disinheriting all five of his children and leaving
everything to some not all of the grandchildren. His message was clear, he
never loved his own children.
Abba’s Hand of Protection
Even in that dark environment I grew up in, Abba’s hand was
upon me.
When I was five, I fell through the barn roof and landed unharmed on a mattress
that “just happened” to be there. That night I dreamed an angel caught me and
laid me down gently, I still believe that’s exactly what happened.
At eight, our home was burned down by arson. We rebuilt it
with our own hands after my father fired the contractor. It took three long
years. Yet even then, God preserved us.
I’ve come close to death many times, including once nearly
falling off a waterfall, but God always protected me. For many years I wondered
why. Later, while in prayer, Abba revealed that the lack of love in my
childhood wasn’t punishment; it was protection.
He showed me that by hardening my father’s heart, He had
shielded me and my siblings from something far worse. If my father had been
outwardly affectionate while inwardly corrupt, the damage would’ve been
deeper...think incest.
Learning to Trust in the Silence
There were seasons when Heaven felt silent, and I couldn’t
understand why. But I’ve come to realize that if Abba had revealed everything
too soon, I would have tried to fix it myself.
Through that silence, He taught me to trust Him when I couldn’t hear His voice,
to be still instead of react, and to know that even when quiet, God was still
keeping me safe.
That contrast between my earthly father’s false-love and
Abba’s love taught me what true love looks like, first in God, then in the
husband He blessed me with.
When God Made Himself Known
The day God became undeniably real was when our son Alex was
in fifth grade. When he was in the 5th grade Alex was hit by a car while biking
to school yet walked away without a single bruise.
In my anger and fear, I shouted at God,
demanding to know why my prayers for safety were not answered. My level of
anger was through the roof, then I felt as if I were in rushing water, and God
spoke audibly:
“He’s alright. It’s just the bike.”
That moment changed everything.
Later, when I owned a struggling honey shop, I prayed for
rent to drop to $1,000, and it did. Then I prayed for $10,000 in back rent to
be forgiven, and it was. My landlord, an atheist Jew, unknowingly did God’s
will.
During drought years, I prayed for rain to come only at
night so my bees would be safe, and for thunder and lightning because I missed
seeing it. Abba answered exactly that way. These may seem trivial but it
was how God showed me he was listening.
Discovering Torah and the Covenant Path
In 2013, my faith got turned on its head. After yet another
shallow Sunday sermon about “love,” I prayed, “That’s fine, Abba, but how do
You want to be loved?”
Soon after, He opened the door to Torah and His appointed
times.
I found a book called God’s Feasts
at a thrift store and began reading it at my honey stand. having difficulty in
understanding it I prayed for someone to
teach me. The words “Google Jews for Jesus” came to mind. When I did, I found a
class titled “Understanding God’s Holy Days” that met on Tuesdays.
That study led me to understand Sabbath, covenant, and God’s
moedim.
In 2015, during Yom Kippur, Abba delivered me from a
generational curse that my father cursed ALL his children with. One that had a
hold on me for 20 years. I was the only one set free or 5.
It was also during this time that Abba led me to start
writing. I began my first blog, My Life Climbing Yaakov’s Ladder, which
I later renamed Remnant Revived Reflections.
Finding My Tribe
At the time, many in Messianic circles were talking about
which tribe people belonged to, most claiming to be Ephraim. But I didn’t want
to assume. I asked Abba directly, “If I belong anywhere, please tell me
where You are placing me.”
His answer was immediate: “You’re Gad.”
I didn’t know much about Gad then, only that it meant
“Overcomer.” When I asked why, Abba said, “The only blood that matters is My
Son’s, and people will be placed into tribes based on their character.”
Later, He led me to read The Testaments of the Twelve
Patriarchs, where I saw that Gad’s nature mirrored mine exactly.
When my husband Greg asked about his
tribe, Abba confirmed Yissachar through dreams and Scripture.
Learning to See Sin Clearly
Through Torah, Abba retrained my heart to recognize truth
from deception. I learned that fighting, manipulation, and lying aren’t
“normal”, they’re sin. I also saw how coveting and immorality stem from the
same root: discontentment and idolatry.
Over the years, Torah became the light showing me how God
wants to be loved by His people. My ongoing struggle now is not letting past
pain poison the present.
When our son Alex got married, I feared my relatives might
ruin the day as they had ruined so many others. But Abba went ahead of me.
Their intentions failed, and His protection surrounded that day completely.
The week before the wedding, He reminded me from the book of
James to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. That anchor kept
me calm, and in the end, He turned what I feared into a day of testimony.
Abba’s Redemption Through Family
At the wedding, I even got to share about Sukkot, its
meaning, and how those who come up to celebrate it during Messiah’s reign will
receive rain, while those who refuse will face drought.
There, I met the officiating pastor, Oregon Senator Mike
McLane, who told me he had been Messianic for six years. It was such divine
confirmation that Abba orchestrates everything.
Abba has also redeemed what was broken by my earthly father
through my husband. My husband is faithful, sacrificial, and kind, the opposite
of the father I grew up with. I often say, “My husband is better than I
deserve,” and I mean it.
Now our son walks that same covenant path with his wife,
Shay. That generational shift is redemption in motion.
Discovering True Family at Spirit & Truth Fellowship
I spent years in churches that felt superficial, plenty of
friendliness, but no real fellowship. They lacked depth because they didn’t
walk in Torah; without it, “love” becomes a feeling instead of obedience.
That changed when Abba led me to Spirit & Truth
Fellowship. Here, I finally found authenticity and family. For the first
time, I experienced what true family is like, brothers and sisters who love in
word and deed, walking humbly and faithfully.
To be called “brother” or “sister” means something sacred to
me. And those honored by the title “Matron”, women of maturity, wisdom, and
discernment, hold a place of respect that reflects the heart of Proverbs 31.
Through this fellowship, Abba showed me what His Kingdom
family truly looks like, a people who live under His shelter.
Sukkot: The Promise of Dwelling With Him
Sukkot ties it all together. I never had a safe or loving
blood family, but Abba has always been my covering. His shelter is not abusive,
manipulative, or conditional. His love is steadfast and true.
Sukkot points forward to the eternal promise of Yeshua
dwelling with us, ruling in righteousness, His presence filling the earth. In
that Kingdom there will be no betrayal, no disinheritance, no manipulation,
only truth and love.
This life is temporary. His Kingdom is forever. And one day,
I will dwell safely in His sukkah, His shelter, forever.
Closing Reflection
When I look back now, the broken home, the silence, the
waiting, it all became part of Abba’s story of protection. He took what was
meant to destroy and turned it into testimony.
Sukkot reminds me every year that I’m no longer that
frightened child, I’m a daughter living under God's covering.
And just as He was faithful to redeem my past, He will be faithful to finish
what He began.
#Sukkot #FaithJourney #MessianicReflections #FindingShelterInGod #RemnantRevived
